An Open Letter to the Fun, Hot People I’d Like to Play With

Dear fun & hot person I’d like to play with,

I hope we get to play soon and I hope you feel the same way I do!

But, we need to discuss some safety issues first. You’re someone I like, and I want to keep you safe and healthy. I expect you feel the same way about me. I like my other partners, too, and I want to keep them safe. I hope you feel the same way for your other partners.

I trust you. I want to have fun, sexy, hopefully mutually rewarding play time with you–that means, I trust you, or I wouldn’t feel that way. But, this isn’t only about whether or not I trust you and you trust me. This is also about the safety and health of our other partners and our responsibility to them.

My partners and I have agreed to some basic guidelines about ensuring each others’ safety. I encourage you to discuss plans like this with your other partners, if you haven’t. If you already have guidelines for sex safety, that’s awesome! Let’s figure out how our two plans can work together.

I encourage everyone to be tested regularly for STDs. If you haven’t been tested, yet, that’s ok. There are still some things we can do to have a good time if you haven’t. But, until you are tested and we exchange and talk about results, there are some things I won’t do with you.

What will I do without test results? Kissing, necking, kinky non-sexual play, petting in “neutral” areas (non-gential, non-mucus membrane-y regions), and genital contact only with latex gloves or protected toys.

What won’t I do without knowing test results? Specifically, no penetration, no oral, no fluids. If you need help understanding why these activities are off limits, there is a wealth of information at and , but the short version is because I’ve decided to take issues of sexual health and safety seriously. If everyone else takes it seriously, too, this isn’t a big deal.


P.S. Comments, reactions, and suggestions for improvement welcome.

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